“The real underlying flaw in your life, Melanie, is that you don’t think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything–the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives–is covered by my goodness–then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don’t.
“Melanie, you cannot produce trust just like you cannot ‘do’ humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me.”
But I don’t know how to change that.
“You can’t, not alone. But together we will watch that change take place. For now I just want you to be with me and discover that our relationship is not about performance or having you please me. I’m not a bully, not some self-centered demanding little deity insisting on my own way. I am good, and I desire only what is best for you. You cannot find that through guilt or condemnation or coercion, only through a relationship of love. And I do love you.”
The previous post is no longer applicable. My blog’s template may change multiple times today. Don’t let this cause alarm. This is just a test. This is only a test.
I can’t decide if I want to keep this new background or if I liked it the other way (or if I should keep looking…). Does this classy look go with my “fun” blog title?
funny how things can change over the space of a few hours. Nothing is “perfect” as of yet, but my husband and I are feeling much better about our situations.
First: I randomly looked out the window this afternoon to see a guy changing someone’s tire. I decided to ask him if he had jumper cables. He did. He charged me way too much (but I was a little too overwhelmed to “bargain”). I finally got ahold of Kevin and was on my way to the auto shop. Thank God, they had room to keep our car overnight until they have time to work on it tomorrow!
Second: I decided to be brave and walk home by myself. This would save Kevin from leaving work early to walk me home or I wouldn’t have to wait in a disgusting auto shop for a few hours for my “escort.” I made it safe and sound. (I prayed and held tightly to my purse. This is, after all, the CITY, people!)
Third: I received an email from the on-campus administrative assistant position I applied for over a month ago. I’m not sure how encouraged I should be by the message, but it basically said my application was being viewed by the hiring manager. *hope*
Fourth: We’re grilling hamburgers for dinner and I’m experimenting with a recipe for baked potato wedges. They smell delicious.
Fifth: For I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose. [romans 8:28]
I can tell you’re interested already. :) I’ll start back at the beginning of the evening. An hour and a half before Kevin was to be home from lab, I decided to ride my bike down Jefferson to put in some job apps. Done and done. On my way home, I almost passed out when I hit my bike’s breaks waaaaaayy too hard and jammed my pelvic bone into the handle bars. frick! that HURT. badly. (I’m sorry if this is too graphic a description for some of you. But deal with it.) After the black spots went away from my vision, I continued home and called Kevin on my cell. He said, “I’m….” and I was like, “hello? are you there?” He had just stopped talking. Next thing I hear is, “My bike isn’t here. Someone stole my bike.” oh great. Just what we needed. Now we’re down a car and a bike. (Kevin was so very excited to ride my short girly bike to work today. <–that was sarcasm for those of you who don't follow.) But honestly, we handled this situation rather well….I mean, what's one more thing on top of everything else??
So, I made it home without passing out and Kevin got a ride with some people from lab. They picked me up and we went out to an Indian restaurant about 20 minutes away. It was exciting to be going out for the first time since moving in, and even more thrilling to know that the bill was going to be footed by Dr. Reuda–the lab professor. It was a wonderful meal (not for the faint at heart) and I loved getting to put faces to all the names I hear. We went home 3 hours later and were very full (I was satisfied after eating what I soon found out to be just appetizers. When the actual meal came, I had one bite of each dish that was being passed and I was filled to overflowing–though not literally.)
I’ve spent this morning doing my wifely duties. i.e. calling all over creation to find jumper cables (no luck yet), trying to find a good deal on a bicycle, and double checking insurance policies.
I think I shall fix myself some lunch and enjoy this cool weather and my cozy sweatshirt (in June!?
oh, well, I’m not complaining!)
I’m off on my trusty bike to put in applications at the local Subway and Wendy’s. Wish me luck.
I don’t know where to begin. My heart is overflowing with blessing and yet weighted down by anxiety. hmmm.
So our car still sits in the parking lot, too tired to start again. *sigh* And we’re struggling to figure out what to do about it. When can we take it in? What is the problem? Will it cost more money than we have? But at least I have air in my bike tires now. (.75 for air is ridiculous…why pay for AIR!?)
I road down to the IHOP after getting my bike ready to go, and found out that they probably won’t be hiring anyone for a few weeks. Oh, dear. That place had given my one ray of hope in employment in the area. I have about 10 apps out and I haven’t heard a thing. Either the job market in MI is really awful or no one wants the expertise I have to offer. (oh, wait…I don’t really have any expertise…except in the PHI/REL arena…and that’s only needed in grad. school…which I would have to pay for.) So I’m not sure what to do. Do I wait? Do I go on a mad “hire me” spree down the main thorough-way? (Except I only have a bike for transportation at this point, and Detroit is still a bit overwhelming to this girl.) I have been receiving lots of words of wisdom though: most of them have included something like “Maybe God has sometime better, extraordinary in fact. Maybe he’s wanting you to wait, and to rest in Him.” I’m praying that that is the truth. I’m trying to soak in that.
Thank the Lord for friends. Those who offer a shoulder to cry on, those who give employment advice, those you just listen, and those who send messages out of the blue with heavenly reminders attached. Today, before anything had time to happen, I received an email from a girl who has just recently become a friend, almost just an acquaintance. This is the prayer she offered up for me, simply because God had laid me on her heart:
Thanks for Melanie’s faithfulness and desire to serve you with all of her heart. I know that you rejoice with her in this new part of her life. LORD I pray that you would fill Melanie with your hope each morning. Give her a confidence in you as the provider. I pray that you would not only provide Melanie with a job but that you would surprise her with the graciousness of your people all around them. I pray that they would not lack for anything LORD. I also ask that you would, in this time, not let worry and anxiety and striving suck the life out of their new joy. May she be filled with your inexpressible joy each morning. May there be no doubt in her mind that you can handle all of their life’s challenges with the snap of your finger. I pray that you would also bring into their lives friends in their area…a place where they can connect and fellowship. May they be strengthened and encouraged by your fellow saints there in Detroit. Protect them, guide them and may they be stronger together than they were alone.
And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you (Philippians 1:6)
In the name of Jesus,
May you be blessed and surprised today by the LORD and His dear love towards you:)
Now, she is what I would consider a true friend. Thank you, Jesus.
I’m not gonna lie, I am completely ridiculous. I just spent close to an hour trying to decide on a name for my blog and its corresponding URL. I am so lame. (and now I’m admitting it to all of you…wonderful.) Anyways, I’m happy with what I came up with and the previously mentioned story proves why it’s an excellent choice.
So. I’m a married woman now. (Ridiculous yet again.) No, I don’t regret being married in the least. In fact, it’s pretty much awesome. I just can’t believe I’m MARRIED. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks buried in paperwork trying to change my last name on every document the United States has its files…i.e. my social security card, my license, my credit card, my bank account, my facebook….you get the picture. It’s been quite a pain (Kevin is SO darn lucky he’s the man of this relationship), but I’m glad it’s pretty much crossed off my to-do list. (Not that you would believe I keep to-do lists or anything.)
My life in a nutshell at this moment:
- The smell of freshly baking bread is heavenly.
- My whole body is sore from playing hours of volleyball at the family reunion.
- I hate Mao.
- I really, really need a job (IHOP, please hear my cry!)
- I wish my car wasn’t broken down in the driveway.
- I need air in my bike tires.
- I need a job. (*repetition is the key to memorization)
- I can’t wait to get involved in our new church.
- I’m so thankful for my Love.
- I can’t believe I live in the city.